I love black thongs
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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