woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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