My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish there were birth control emojis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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