tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
