I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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