Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
