It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
