i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
