he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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