he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
