Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
