SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
