Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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