i just wanna soil my oats bro
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
