Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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