Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
