so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
