I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
