Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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