So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
