I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
