My Higher Power is John Stamos
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
