i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
