very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
