this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
