oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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