Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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