sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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