ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
