forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
