You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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