also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
