Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have aggressive nipples.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
