Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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