I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
