Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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