He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
