he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Randomize
