their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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