I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
