btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
