i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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