but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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