who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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