i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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