remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
