My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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