Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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