I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
