My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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