Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
