woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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