I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So many bounce houses so little time
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
