we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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