sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So much rum. So many feels.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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