Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
