I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
