I can text with my tongue
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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