"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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