hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
this is an emotional support booty call
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
