I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
