I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
