is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
