found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
