Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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