well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
