Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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